


Scenery

by rawwrrr (ladyYellow)



Category: EXO (Band), Z.Tao (Musician)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mentioned EXO, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 11:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyYellow/pseuds/rawwrrr
Summary: In Jongdae’s dream, they found each other in the café in front of the hotel where Tao was staying after the fashion week.Tao kissed Jongdae’s hand carefully.“I can’t do this anymore, hyung. The pressure- It’s too much. I’m not even your boyfriend”





	Scenery

**Author's Note:**

> Alright~  
> So, I couldn't get the idea out of my head after I heard [Scenery](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6fZFzM_3Qw) from Ashmute.  
> And I just knew I had to write _something_.
> 
> I'm so in love with these two and it hurts. It hurts so much because their background story is kind of sad, I can't come to terms with the fact that they're no longer in EXO.  
> I had to write this. For my own comfort.  
> Because it has to be something still there, _right?_

Jongdae blinks his tears away when he realises he was just dreaming. _A mere nightmare_ , that’s all.

His room is dark, the curtains closed, the thunderstorm pouring outside the dorm. He curls himself in the bed, waiting for the air to come back to his lungs. He isn’t drowning, _he isn’t._ He just-

_Why is it so hard to breathe?_

Jongdae tries to relax, he tries really hard to remember it was a nightmare. Just that. _But it felt so real._

In his dream, they, him and _Tao,_ were in Paris again, as they agreed to meet last time. _In privacy_ , nobody should know about whatever they have. Not even Junmyeon (Jongdae’s leader) nor LuHan (Tao’s best friend). They agreed it was for the best. They didn’t have the kind of relationship LuHan and Minseok had. _Still have._

Anyway. In Jongdae’s dream, they found each other in the café in front of the hotel where Tao was staying after the fashion week. Jongdae smiled when he saw Tao, but Tao didn’t. Even though, when Jongdae came closer, Tao kissed Jongdae’s hand carefully.

After a pause Tao whispered _“I can’t do this anymore, hyung. The pressure- It’s too much. I’m not even your boyfriend”_ and Jongdae felt the world collapsing at his feet. He woke up, crying. Feeling the knot in his throat. _Don’t leave me Taozi, please don’t._ He’s scared. Tao is not here to hug him.

Nights like this, is when Jongdae can really feel the distance.

Jongdae told Zitao he didn’t want him to wait for him when he flew back to China. _You’re free to do whatever you want, Taozi._ Jongdae wouldn’t leave Korea either, even when he wanted to. Zitao just couldn’t do that to him. _Let’s live our dreams, hyung. When it’s time, then we’ll run away together. Anywhere. No one will know where we are. Just the two of us._

And Jongdae tries so hard to hold onto that lines like a lifesaver.

He wonders if Tao is awake right now. His clock marks two in the morning. _Far away, so far from him._ He can’t really do anything to relieve the ache in his chest.

_I can’t breathe._

Tao’s probably having a nice chat with an Italian model about Gucci bags in that fashion show, smiling, living his dream. It hurts so much to know he can’t really call _his Zitao_ to tell him he misses him. To tell him how much he wants to be with him at that hollow events, at the fancy dinners to promote a new makeup line. To tell him how we would stay by his side at the long interviews when they ask him if he’s dating someone to tell the he _indeed_ is. _He’s dating me!_

Because you see. Even when they decided not to let anyone know about them, they are together. They are willing to try. _They’re trying, struggling._ They’re so different from LuHan and Minseok, from Junmyeon and Yifan. They don’t have a label to call themselves. Jongdae doesn’t pressure Zitao with that. Because Tao is hurt.

He will not willingly talk about his former bandmates. He will avoid speaking about EXO promotions. He won’t talk about how Yifan is doing. He won’t talk about LuHan’s songs. It hurts, Jongdae knows it hurts. It hurt for so long and Jongdae wouldn’t allow that Tao stayed in a toxic environment. He wouldn’t have the heart to watch him crumbling into pieces that couldn’t be mend later.

_When the time comes, Taozi…_

He wonders how is everything going to be in the future. Will Yifan-ge forgive his little Taozi? Will Luhan-ge move to Korea with Minseok-hyung or it would be the other way? Will Chanyeol and Baekhyun keep wandering around each other, like they do? Will everyone still be friends? Will they keep in touch? Where are going to be Tao and him? Will they still be together? Will Tao keep his promise?

He cries silently, clutching his phone against his chest. Wondering if he should call him or not.

They hadn’t mentioned anything about not contacting each other, and they hadn’t implied it wasn’t allowed. The opportunity just wasn't there. With Jongdae being busy promoting EXO-CBX and Zitao focusing on modeling and acting, they didn’t have the time to think in the emptiness inside them, the silence filled with busy schedules and tiredness.

Zitao kept his Korean number for Jongdae. The elder knows he always has his other phone with him. Jongdae looks through his contact until he finds him under the name of _baby Taozi_. He is wondering if he should call. Maybe Tao is busy? Will he answer him? What if he thinks Jongdae is calling for some sort of emergency? Jongdae thinks before pressing the Call button.

_I shouldn’t disturb him._

But there are so many doubts in his head. He’s so scared. They never named what was happening between them. _What if he was just playing with me?_ What if he wasn’t as serious as Jongdae was?

_But it’s getting harder to breathe, to stop the tears._

Jongdae decides he won’t call him, because he isn’t strong enough to deal with Tao ignoring him.

They agreed they’d meet whenever both of them had time to disappear for a while. When they wouldn’t have too much work. Whenever they were sure no one was following them. The time hasn’t arrived yet. Jongdae wants to quit everything and flight right to Milan to look at him.

 **What do you call us, Taozi?** Jongdae texts him in the end.

Jongdae closes his eyes. Listening to the rain. It never changes no matter where he is. It soothes him, somehow. Tao usually will make him stay in bed whenever is raining, claiming he doesn’t want him to catch a cold. Jongdae knows it’s not that. Zitao is scared of thunders.

_Isn’t it ironic, Taozi? My superpower was Lightning. I was supposed to be the cause of the thunders._

Jongdae protects him, no matter how far away he is.

_Is not ironic at all, hyung. If I stay near you whenever it rains, I’m automatically immune to lightnings and thunders._

The rain reminds him of Tao.

He’s not crying anymore, but it’s too late already. Almost four in the morning. Jongdae didn’t notice how the time slipped.

_What if he doesn’t want me to stay and he just ignores me from now on?_

Jongdae won’t leave Korea soon. Tao knows that. They don’t want troubles because of the Korean laws. As soon as Jongdae is discharged from his military service, they’ll run away. That’s the plan. They’re trying to stick to it. Sometimes it’s just so hard. Sometimes Jongdae wants to quit everything and flight to anywhere Tao is. Sometimes Tao wants to kidnap Jongdae and hide forever. Sometimes the pressure it’s just _that_ much.

 **Soulmates, gege ♥** it’s Tao’s reply.

The thunderstorm is finally stopping. It really doesn’t change that much. Jongdae still feels lonely and drained. Tao is still at the other side of the world working, as well as he is. The cultural barrier is still there (military service, and language, and food, and…).

Jongdae is really tired when he closes his eyes to sleep one more time.

The promise is still there. They’ll find each other once again soon. One day they’ll be finally together (Tao insists they must tell his friends where they decide to live, in case they want to visit them sometime).

Jongdae doesn’t care they don’t have a conventional label like _boyfriends_ or _fiancés_.

 _Soulmate_ is something Jongdae wasn’t really expecting Tao to call them. But he’s more than happy with his significant other’s answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
